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thejunglenook:

ballpointpun:

Somewhere a rocket scientist brain surgeon physicist with a knack for economics who wears Velcro shoes is having a stress breakdown.

When I was a professional ballroom dance instructor, one of my coworkers was having a tough time teaching a step to her student. As he gets more frustrated she tells him “it’s ok- you’ll get it- this isn’t rocket science.”

There is an awkward pause as her student stares back at her.
"No" he agrees, "this isn’t rocket science. That I can do. This is some sadistic step designed specifically to torture rocket scientists.”

And that’s how we found out he worked for NASA.

(Source: oldresidentdistrict)

rosiebeck:

nxv:

primisthebomb:

I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING

i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid

I threw a grape in the air
I went to catch it I swear
It hit a spider that fell
and now they’re on my face

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Doctor Who Dalek